The Scotched Egg

Not The Hero We Deserve…

The crossover between politics and scotch eggs is far too rare. Many times we’ve seen the political headlines and let out exasperated curses such as ‘crumbs!’. We’ve seen plenty of politicians with egg on their face (quite literally in some cases). And the less said about David Cameron’s experiences with pig meat the better. But never, NEVER, have the ingredients combined to cause such a furore in the political press.

For those not in the know, allow us to explain. England’s Covid-19 restrictions include a three tier system, with 32m residents in Tier 2 coming to terms with the fact that pubs can only serve alcohol with ‘substantial meals’. That could lead to either almighty stomachs or almighty food wastage (or an almighty chorus of “let’s go to the pub next year instead”). What would we do about our insatiable need for pub visits?

Then, lo, the angel of the Lord (George Eustice^†) came upon them, and proclaimed, “Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, and news that a scotch egg shall probably pass as a substantial meal”. And the glory of the Lord shone upon us all.

An Awful Egg Revisited

A year after our most disappointing TSE experience, we revisit The Crusty Pie Company to enjoy their latest wares

Dear friends, ask not “Why?” but “WHHHHHYYYYYY??? Why would you return to the tedious taste-bud trial that resulted in your worst scotch egg experience?!”

Well, we’d respond by firstly saying “we love your passion“. Secondly, we’d say “it’s great to see a fellow fervid fan of triple alliteration“. And thirdly, we’d utter that “we were hopeful that they had seen our first review and righted their wrong’uns“.

Bad news egg aficionados; it was worse. We were back at the Great British Beer Festival in London where The Crusty Pie Company were quite possibly serving the same batch of scotch eggs as the year before.

As you can see from the image accompanying this post, it was as dry as dust. Much like the self-centred businessman wimp in a crime thriller who acts like a tough guy but can’t handle interrogation, it cracked and fell apart at first sight of a knife. If it could wet itself, it would have. Thinking about it, the moisture would have been useful.

It was like chewing Play-Doh with the rubber tyre of a LEGO Technic car in the middle. Our mouths clicked and tongue-sticked as we grimaced and reached for a beverage to wash the horror away.

We can’t talk about it any more. It seems apt that our unlucky thirteenth review should receive a score of 13% – our lowest score yet.

Turning Japanese – Gyōza & Ramen Scotch Egg

In our next crumb-covered creation we take inspiration from The Land of the Rising Sun

Since we hatched from that first egg, our mortal race has striven to expand our horizons. Whether it be setting foot across previously untrodden land, venturing into unsoared skies, or putting weird things in our mouths.

The Scotched Egg is no different.

As much as we like the home comfort of a standard scotch egg concoction, sometimes we want to traverse our tongue towards treats untasted. And this is one of those times, intrepid readers.

Pack your satchel, we’re off to Japan (our kitchen) for a gyōza and ramen inspired scotch egg, from our very own minds!

Read the rest of this riveting review